


our hands gripping each other tight

by MissusCarlikins



Category: Psych
Genre: Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-20
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-04 18:07:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11560551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissusCarlikins/pseuds/MissusCarlikins
Summary: It wasn’t supposed to happen like this—it wasn’t supposed to happen at all—but it did and there was no going back now.





	1. part one

Carlton snapped awake when the trilling started. It was too high to be his alarm and he didn't use that ringtone on his phone, which meant …

"Sorry, sorry!" A body crawled over his, warm and soft and … _male_.

Carlton wasn't one to swear, but there was only one word going through his head right then.

"Spencer."

Spencer paused mid crawl, his face right above Carlton's. He flashed a smile, looking far too good for having just woken up. His usually styled hair was sticking up in all directions and hickeys dotted his pale neck.

Hickeys from Carlton.

"Sorry 'bout the phone," Spencer said, his face disappearing as he leaned off the bed. From the sounds of it he was rustling through jeans, and sure enough when he sat up he dropped his to the ground, holding his phone with a victorious smile.

"Spencer," Carlton repeated, his brain finally waking up.

Spencer was naked. In his bed.

 _Naked_.

"One sec." Spencer held up his finger, pressing his phone to his ear, his body flush against Carlton's.

Carlton sighed and thought about pushing Spencer off, but he was warm and Carlton didn't really mind being pressed against him like that. So instead he relaxed against his mattress, his mind drifting back to last night and just how he'd wound up in this situation.

He knew it hadn't been alcohol, he never let himself get drunk enough that he lost control, and his memory was clear. All except for the one that told him _why_ he'd thought it would be a good idea to ... to _sleep_ with _Spencer_.

He remembered being at the department party and talking to O'Hara. Spencer had strolled in with Guster at his side, fashionably late of course.

Spencer had made his rounds, making sure to greet at least every one, before joining Carlton and O'Hara at their table. There'd been talking, a lot of talking. Carlton didn't even remember _what_ they'd talked about, but they'd talked throughout the night.

And then the party started to die and people trickled out. Guster left with talks of work in the morning, O'Hara said something about a case she wanted to look over, and Spencer …

Spencer had been in no rush to leave, and for some reason Carlton had lingered. He'd watched Spencer toy with his almost full beer bottle, and he'd seen something that made him invite Spencer over for a drink. He hadn't really expected the yes, but Spencer had looked up and something had flashed through his eyes and Carlton had found himself leading him to the car.

And once they got home, then what? How did it go from a friendly drink to a night in bed?

"Gus is worried because I'm not home," Spencer said, yanking him from his thoughts. "Isn't that sweet."

He glanced down at Carlton, his smile boyish and charming and the desire to taste it flared in Carlton's stomach, surprising him.

"Of course Gus worries if I don't text him back within five seconds sometimes," Spencer continued. "I guess that means I should probably head back …"

Part of Carlton wanted to tell him no. He knew it wouldn't be hard to convince Spencer to stay. They could stay in bed, wrapped in each other's warmth, and then Carlton could get up and start the coffee and make breakfast. He could drive Spencer to the Psych office and they'd part with promises to do it again sometime …

Or he could get up and get dressed and take Spencer to his motorcycle and they could part as … as what?

"Lassie?"

"Get dressed," Carlton said, sitting up. Spencer had no choice but to roll off him or get pushed off, and he stared up at Carlton, his eyes questioning. "I'll take you to your ride."

x

Carlton tapped his fingers against his desk, frowning at his computer screen. He hadn't been able to focus on much since he'd dropped Spencer off at his motorcycle. He'd driven away before Spencer could say anything.

He knew it was cowardly to run away, but he just wasn't quite ready to face what they'd done.

What it meant.

He groaned and rubbed his hands over his face.

"Carlton."

His back snapped straight and he glanced up at O'Hara, blinking in surprise.

"I've been trying to get your attention for awhile now," she said, staring down at him. "You alright?"

"Fine." His voice was rougher than he'd meant, almost a growl, and she arched a brow. "Did you need something?"

She stared at him for a beat longer, clearly not convinced, but she didn't push.

"Yeah," she said slowly, glancing down at the files in her hand. "I was writing up the report on the White case and I noticed something."

He reached for the file, pushing all thoughts of Spencer out of his head … or at least until an hour later when Spencer waltzed into the precinct. He held a pineapple under his arm like it was a football, brandishing it on O'Hara's desk with a grin.

"Brought you a present."

"You _really_ didn't have to."

"Ah, but I wanted to."

Carlton rolled his eyes, turning his attention to his work. Yet something stirred in him, something akin to jealousy.

Except there was no way he was jealous of O'Hara.

"Don't worry Lassie, I brought you one too."

Carlton glanced up, arching a brow when Spencer dropped a little box on his desk.

"Why?"

Spencer shrugged, his grin so bright it was blinding. "Why not?"

Carlton eyed him with suspicion, flicking the lid off the small box.

He couldn't stop the bark of laughter at what he saw.

The tie was a truly hideous green color with highlighter yellow pineapples speckled over it.

"You _really_ didn’t have to," he repeated, pushing the box away.

"Oh, but I did."

Spencer's eyes seemed to sparkle with his grin and something tumbled in Carlton's stomach. Something that made him want to reach out and rest his hand over Spencer's, but he pushed that urge away.

"What's the occasion?" he asked.

"Well, last night I noticed the lack of color in your wardrobe and figured I'd help change that."

Carlton's shoulders grew tight and he cast a glance around. There were too many people around for this conversation.

"Come with me," he snapped, getting to his feet. He grabbed Spencer's arm and tugged him towards the interrogation rooms. Surprisingly Spencer didn't object, and no one seemed to notice or care.

Once in the room he released him with a small shove, turning to lean against the wall.

"We need to talk."

"You know you could've just said that. Unless you were looking for an excuse to manhandle me." Spencer's grin turned downright flirty and Carlton ground his teeth.

"No." _Yes_. "This wasn't—We need to talk," he repeated.

The glint of mischief in Spencer's eyes dimmed, worry coloring his expression. "Okay," he said, shifting slightly. "What do we need to talk about?"

"Last night." Carlton paused, running a hand through his hair. "What we did … it can't—it doesn't mean anything." His eyes flashed to Spencer's just in time to see the hurt flash through them. His heart twisted and he wanted to reach out, brush his fingers over Spencer's cheek. But instead he clenched his jaw and turned away, pacing to the other side of the room.

"Okay," Spencer said. Carlton didn't like the way his voice sounded, controlled and not like Spencer at all. "Last night was a mistake." The words were bitten out, and Carlton wanted so badly to look at Spencer, to see what his eyes were saying. But he stared at the mirror and wondered why this hurt so much. "It never happened."

Carlton nodded, his eyes focusing on Spencer in the mirror. He'd expected to see anger coloring the face, but instead it was dejected. A muscle in Carlton's jaw twitched and he looked away.

"It never happened," he agreed.

He didn't turn to look at Spencer in the silence that followed. He didn't turn, even though he could feel Spencer's eyes on his back, wanting him to.

He didn't watch as Spencer walked out of the room, the door clicking shut behind him.

Last night was a mistake, and Carlton would make sure it never happened again.

No matter how bad he wanted it to.


	2. part two

"I'm sensing a disturbance in the force," Shawn said, throwing himself through the Chief’s doors and purposefully _not_ looking at the detective seated across from her.

It had been a few weeks since the hookup that never happened, and Shawn did his best to go back to normal. Only now his normal included barely interacting with Lassie at all. He didn’t want to admit it, but he was hurt.

He’d thought they’d really had a connection that night. He’d thought that his affections were finally being returned, that maybe Lassie had realized he was something _more_. Then he finds out that it was just a … mistake.

He shook his head, realizing that he had an audience and had just spent who knew how long staring blankly at a plant. Thinking quick he fell beside said plant, shoving his face among the leaves.

“Patricia here tells me you have a case, Chief.”

“Does she?” Karen arched a brow, her typical expression when dealing with Shawn and his antics.

“Yes. She tells me something is … missing. Something golden, round. A ring.” He paused, tilting his head to the side as if listening to a whisper. “No, not just a ring. A woman wearing the ring. A wife.”

“Spencer, I appreciate your interest, but I believe Detective Lassiter can handle this case on his own. _Unless_ you think there may be a reason your … skills will be needed?” Both eyebrows were up now, clearly waiting for an excuse.

He glanced at Lassiter, surprised by the depths he saw in those ocean blue eyes. There was no anger or annoyance as he watched Shawn, instead there was …

Lassie looked away, clearing his throat. His fingers fluttered around the knot in his tie, but he had nothing to fix.

“Clearly he doesn’t have a reason.” His eyes flicked back to Shawn, and whatever he thought he might’ve seen was gone. The ocean had frozen. “Which means your presence is unnecessary.” He flicked his fingers towards the door and Shawn went without a fight. He just didn’t have one in him anymore.

He was halfway to the doors when someone grabbed his hand and tugged him into an empty office.

“What’s the deal?”

He stared at his attacker, surprised to see Jules standing across from him. Her arms were tight across her chest, her face twisted with a concerned scowl.

“What?”

“Why have you been so …” She waved her hand in his direction. “And Lassie’s been so …” This time she growled. “Clearly something happened. My guess is the night of the party since you guys were normal until then. You haven’t given him an impromptu lap dance since.”

“Look Jules, thanks for the concern but nothing happened!”

She arched a brow, finger tapping against her elbow. “Then why won’t you guys make eye contact? Why does Carlton look at you like you’re the only thing he’s ever wanted but can never have? Why are you two being such _idiots_?” She snapped the last word, teeth clicking with the force and Shawn was surprised by her passion.

“Wow Jules, I didn’t realize you cared so much.” He reached out to rest a hand on her shoulder. “But I mean it, nothing happened. Whatever you think you’re seeing …” He shook his head. “There’s nothing.”

Her fingers rested on top of his, her expression colored with sadness. “Okay.” Her voice was quiet and she squeezed his fingers. “Nothing happened.”

He dipped his head and dropped his hand, stepping towards the door.

“Hey.” He paused, glancing back at Jules. “I was thinking about going to karaoke tonight, if you wanna swing by. I’m gonna invite Gus too.”

“Yeah? Be prepared to fall in love with that man. His voice is like heaven.” He stepped through the door and headed down the stairs, lifting his hand as a final farewell.

Maybe he would join them for karaoke. It had been awhile since he’d spent the night doing something other than just sitting on his couch and staring at the TV. Plus Gus really did have a beautiful voice …

X

Shawn’s phone chirped with a new text and he glanced at the screen. Jules, again. The third text in the last fifteen minutes.

It would seem she really wanted him to show up at karaoke.

He sighed and flicked through the texts.

_We’re here. You gonna come?_

_Shawn, c’mon. It’ll be fun._

_Gus says he needs you for the song._

His phone chimed again as he held it, this time from Gus.

_Can’t do this without you._

A glance at the clock told him it was barely past nine, which meant it was too early to claim he was sleeping. The TV droned on in the background, barely more than white noise and he sighed again.

 _Be there in ten_.

He didn’t bother changing into something more club worthy, his pineapple print T-shirt and faded jeans were good enough for him. Besides it wasn’t like he was trying to impress anyone.

The bar was full, but not packed. The music loud enough to resonate in his chest without making conversations absolutely impossible. His eyes scanned the room, landing on Jules by the bar. She waved him over with a bright smile and he grinned back. Gus stood beside her, nursing a single beer. He never drank more than one, always the designated driver.

“You made it!” Jules threw her arms around him and squeezed him tight. He chuckled, patting her back before untangling her. Someone clearly had a stronger drink.

“Yes, well, apparently I was needed.”

Gus smiled at him, sipping from his glass. “You know I can’t do Shout without you.”

Shawn shook his head and waved down the bartender for his own drink. Then he turned back to face the crowd. Mostly college aged kids, although Shawn spotted more than a few closer to his own age. A group of girls erupted in giggles when he caught them staring and he made sure to give them a smile, before his eyes skipped to the door.

He wasn’t sure why, until he recognized the head of salt n’ pepper hair that stepped through.

“You invited Lassie?”

Shawn wasn’t upset so much as surprised that Lassie had even bothered to show up. Karaoke wasn’t exactly something that screamed Lassie, yet that was definitely him. Wearing a blazer over a button down with the top few buttons undone, showing off a hint of his sternum bush.

He knew the second Lassie saw him, saw the surprise flash through those crystal blue eyes. Surprise and …

Longing.

Lassie missed Shawn.

He couldn’t stop his smile as the realization hit, raising his glass in greeting. He didn’t approach Lassie, didn’t say anything, just took a sip from his glass and turned back to Jules and Gus.

Everything that had happened in the last month had a different light. Lassie always leaving the room as soon as Shawn arrived, the annoyance that often plagued his face if he _had_ to talk to Shawn for more than a few seconds. The frozen glares. It wasn’t that Lassie hated him because of that night. No, Shawn had been right. There had been a connection, a realization of feelings, but Lassie wasn’t ready to accept those feelings. So he’d shut Shawn out and pretended they weren’t there.

“We’re not really singing Shout are we?”

Gus shook his head and Jules shrugged.

“You two need to figure some stuff out.” She smiled as Lassie cautiously approached. “Although I will admit, I didn’t think you’d show up Carlton.”

He cleared his throat, eyes flicking to Shawn’s face for a beat. “I had some free time.”

Jules shoved a whiskey into his hand and grabbed Gus’ arm. “If you need us we’re going to be over there.” She waved in some random direction and dragged Gus away, not that he put up much of a fight.

Shawn half expected Lassie to shoot back his whiskey and bolt for the door, but he did neither. Instead he sipped the amber liquid and glanced around the bar, nodding towards a table in the corner.

“She’s right,” he said, glancing back at Shawn. His eyes weren’t frozen today, and Shawn felt his heart flutter at what he saw in them. “We need to talk.”

Shawn tossed back the rest of his beer and followed Lassie to the table, sitting across from him. The music here was muted, and they kept their voices low.

“I’m sorry.”

Shawn blinked. He wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting, but it certainly wasn’t an apology.

“For what?”

Lassie chuckled, sipping more whiskey. “For being a complete asshole this past month.” He sighed, ice clinking in his glass as he swirled the liquid. “Juliet pulled me aside today. I didn’t realize she could yell that loud.”

“She yelled at you?”

He nodded, raising his gaze back to Shawn’s. “She said I was being an idiot and hurting the ones I loved. She also said if I didn’t sit down and take a long look at my life and choices I was going to end up bitter and alone.”

“She really doesn’t pull her punches.”

“No, she really doesn’t.” He shook his head and Shawn fought the urge to reach across the table and rest his fingers over the back of his hand. “But she was right.”

His eyes bored into Shawn’s, drowning him.

“I miss you.”

Shawn’s heart leapt up his throat and he coughed.

“That night it was …” Lassie sighed. “It made me realize things I wasn’t ready for yet, and instead of being an adult and talking about it I shut you out. I was afraid.”

“Lassie.”

“I thought maybe I was reading too far into it. I worried about what people would say.”

“Lassie.”

“I didn’t want to do something that would—”

“Carlton!”

He froze, mouth still open.

“Shut up.”

Before he could react Shawn was leaning across the table, fingers curling around the back of Carlton’s neck as he pulled him in for a kiss. It wasn’t deep or long, it wasn’t filled with a fiery passion and sparks. It was soft, warm, and filled with everything Shawn felt when he thought about him.

“You worry too much,” Shawn murmured, breathing the words into Carlton’s mouth. He didn’t care about the table digging into his stomach, or the fact that they were surrounded by drunk strangers. “We could’ve been doing that for the past month. We could’ve been doing _more_ than that.”

Carlton flushed and Shawn grabbed his whiskey, downing what was left of it before rising to his feet and holding out his hand.

“C’mon.”

There was a pause, a moment of hesitation in Carlton’s eyes. He knew if he took Shawn’s hand it wouldn’t just be a hookup, and Shawn held his breath. He wasn’t going to force him into something he wasn’t ready for, but he’d spent the last month avoiding and angsting. He had a lot of loving to make up for.

“Okay.”

Carlton’s hand was big and warm and slightly calloused, and he let Shawn tug him to his feet and through the crowd.

“I hope you realize I’m never going to let you go," Shawn tossed over his shoulder. 

Carlton squeezed his hand in response and warmth exploded in Shawn’s chest.

He was in love with Lassie, had been for a very long time. But he would save that announcement for another night.

Tonight he had some kisses to catch up on.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ended up kind of rushed because I don't really remember how to write and i just kind of wanted to finish this, but it is done and hopefully it was at least an enjoyable read :)

**Author's Note:**

> started a psych rewatch because i finally completed my collection of the series and decided to return to my roots. when i read over the first part of this i decided i liked it and wanted to finish it. my original plan was for two parts but also that was like 2 years ago, so we'll see what happens. 
> 
> hope you enjoyed :)


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